In April/May time frame I started having problems with my foot. It was nagging at first and I really didn't give much attention other than well this hurts. I went and saw a chiropractor and I mentioned my foot and funny enough he managed to make it feel better. Everything is connected after all and he is helping tremendously with a back pain I have been dealing with too. So after sessions with him my foot was feeling much better and I was running along like a bunny. But, it wasn't healed.
In May we ran 70 miles that month out on the Arizona Trail full of dreams of doing this ultra marathon thing. In June it was getting too hot and we only ran 18 miles and we biked a little more. In July I said no excuses, get out the door and move and we put in 85 miles. In August we ran the most we ever have done in a month, 155 miles. Then September came, when it should be cooling down and we can run more. We only put in 59 miles. Why? Because my foot said no. It was hurting almost every time I ran and I was icing, stretching, taping, Motrin-ing--all topical things really. I even had custom orthotics made.
I decided to play soccer to get in more cardio time and step outside of my little box. I played one game and experienced the worst pain I have ever had with the foot, let's call him Larry. Larry woke me up at 2 am and I couldn't even walk or hop or do anything but drag him into the kitchen for Motrin and ice ASAP. It was absolutely awful. I haven't played soccer since which is upsetting not just personally but also I am letting my team down for they need female players desperately.
I still tried to run the following Monday on one of our bright and early 2 am runs, 15 miles was on the agenda. We only made it 13. I hobbled and limped over half of it. Defeated and hurt. I hobbled into work like I do after every run and my friend and co-worker who is a Physical Therapist asked to look at my foot and help me out. She discovered I have really tight calves and don't flex my ankle correctly. She recommended some homeopathic stuff for me to try, which I am using everything I can. I went to Sprouts and got pills and creams. I went to a Chinese Herb store and have patches, sprays and pills. I iced my calves which I haven't paid attention to--the source of the problem, and I managed to get freezer burn. I have tried so many things. Just put a call into a guy who is going to do acupuncture with it. I hate needles, but if it may help then put a thousand of them in me. I barely ran in the last 3 weeks thinking I would make it better. It still hurt, thought well if it hurts resting it then I should just run and have it hurt.
Here is the deal. The race is in 5 weeks. I planned for us to run each out and back as a long run and today was the second half, the second out and back of 23 miles. I was excited about this day when I set up the training because we would be in such great shape and it would be easy. When I told Kevin my plan of us doing this while the kids were on Fall Break and we could stay at his Dad's house and leave and hit the trail early in the morning, like 3 am so we would be back by 10 to be able to spend the day with the kids. He wasn't excited but he said okay. He also said that I shouldn't get my hopes up that it may go terrible. I am optimistic always and said, it will be fine. I should listen to him really.
Last night we got everything all ready for us to go out the door with bells on.
My foot felt good and I was so happy to be out there. Kevin was not.
It was dark and gloomy and a little rainy. We took these pics when we made our first turn around back to the car, this was about 6-7 miles in.
But we were running and it felt great. We were back out there and making it happen. As per usual my stomach even with everything I have tried there was a mess. Sorry for the TMI but I also had the joy of my cycle today too. Kristin 0 Her Body 2. My body was fighting me before I even had a chance. We came across this turn around area that was used for a race in September. The Hot Shots run is for the firemen who died in the Yarnell fires.
We were cruising along and I thought hey maybe it won't be too bad. We walked up the hills and ran down them and in flat spots. I would get the occasional twinge but it was okay. Until about 12-13 miles I start to fight the urge to limp while walking. It would hurt to walk so the adage is if it hurts to walk then run. So that is what I was doing. Kevin always runs behind me and could tell I was limping and hurting, here I am trying to be strong and in denial. I knew he was hurting so I didn't want to complain. Our plan was to run from Pistol Hill Aid station point for the race to the turn around point to Collasal Cave where the start/finish area is. As much as I was hurting I was visualizing the next time we see this area we will be finishing the race. I sat down and sprayed my chinese spray on my foot and took some pills and pulled out my PB and J all ready to finish this thing. I stood up to go and thought hey that spray is good I am going to be okay. Topical, not a solution. It wore off and the wheels fell off. Our pace was getting worse and worse. I wanted to try to stay under 16 min as the worst and by this point it was at 17:40.
I was doing everything I could to keep going and I hurt so much. Then the tears started happening and frustration was reaching a breaking point. Kevin was annoyed with how slow we were going. He made a few comments out of his own frustration about if we ever get home, if our phones stay charged, stuff like that. I was already at rock bottom and I just started to cry, bawl really. He stopped me and apologized for being mean. I was already being mean to myself and it just broke me down.
A little bit later he comes up to me and says maybe this will help and he brought me Dan the walking stick. He lasted a little bit and broke under the pressure. Then he found a stronger one, Dan 2.0. He lasted to the end. The song Lean on Me came on in the truck and Kevin said is this Dan's song? Yes it is. Dan 2.0 helped Larry and I make it through the end with Kevin telling me how much further we had at each geographical marker. I cried more. I lost my optimism and hopes and dreams.
We finished and I was in tears again. I didn't for one second feel accomplished. For one, it came out to 19 miles? Where are the other 4 miles? How did they get those and where are they? Second, our pace went to over 19 minutes. Our average ended up being 20:12 and it took us 6 hours. Awful. I was in a pity party big time.
I posted a pathetic post to FB and my amazing friends reminded me to gain perspective again. We have put in a lot of training and learned a lot along the way. We have accomplished a lot. We can still do the 50K and that is an achievement in itself. In a couple weeks we will do the 50K course and if Larry is better then we can consider the 54 miler. I know we could push ourselves to finish the 54 miler, but I am not confident with how things are today that we will make the cut-offs.
I have to believe in what we have accomplished will get us through anything and we inspire a lot of people around us, I need to inspire myself. I will not lose my drive and determination. I will do what I can to help Larry heel and heal. I need to remind myself how blessed I am that I can do this and how so many can't and wish they could. I need to do this for them. I need to do it for my little running buddy Corey who is battling an incurable disease. I need to do this for my kids and family who look up to me. I need to do this for Kevin who I drug into this whole ordeal in the first place. If we don't go the 54 miles, then we do the 50K, there is always next year. I know what I need to do to make it happen and Larry will be just a memory. Ted 2.0, well he may join us again, we will see.
So it is all about the perspective and finding moments to reconnect with yourself and why you do this in the first place. I love nature. I love running in the dark, under the stars and hidden moon. I love seeing all the silly little packrats today. They are really cute aside from the name that makes them sound gross. All the little flowers that have popped up since it has cooled down. The little creek that had clear water and not gross murky water. The multiple colored crickets/grasshoppers I saw and heard today. The perfectly heart shaped cactus and rocks I saw along the way. The bursts of rain on us. The prickly pear cactus jelly on my PB and J from a close friend who I got into trail running. Thank you Amanda.
Spending time with Kevin really doing what I love. My new shoes and how they gripped the trail. Got a few blisters but I felt safer with them. The quietness broken by the first birds as day breaks. There is no beauty like the trail and it always brings me peace. Today I allowed my misery to blind me from that until I got perspective. By the way, Kevin made up to me by going straight to Starbucks and getting me a pumpkin spice latte and Eegees for lunch. He didn't really need to make up to me....I love him no matter what!!
Until the next posting....get out and enjoy your world and don't be your own obstacle.
